Bazza and his mates enjoy a beer and put their heads together to solve some of Peter Dutton’s most pressing policy concerns, writes John Longhurst.
Mick landed the schooners, adjusted his tie and stretched his neck.
Bazza furrowed his brow.
“Thanks Mick, but there is no need to put on a bag of fruit to have a beer with us blokes.”
Mick shook his head.
“I’ve just come from a meeting with Dutts. He is a bit disappointed with the shadow cabinet. In fact, he refers to them as the cabinet in the shadows. Anyhow, he is casting his advisory net a bit further. He has tasked me with coming up with some big new policy ideas for him to announce over the next few weeks to ensure the momentum gained in the polls continues. Now… it is an opportunity to directly contribute to the incoming government. We do not want to be just talking about nuclear power all the way up to the election.”
Bazza rubbed his chin.
“You are fast becoming the go to man for ideas. Perhaps an Elon Musk type role in this new government is in order for you, Mick. The greatest irony with the nuclear power stations, if they ever come to fruition, is the high likelihood they will be built with renewable energy, given the projected technological advances over the next decade.”
Mick dismissed the comment with a wave of his hand as Know All Ron cleared his throat.
“Well… Mick, we could revisit some of the grand ideas of the past. Given our arid inland and the fact most of our rivers run east of the Great Dividing Range, we could build a network of tunnels and pipes to enable the water to flow westwards. Imagine the boost in agriculture.”
Mick jotted down notes on his laptop as Bazza raised an eyebrow.
“Ron, almost ninety percent of Australians live 50 kilometres from the coast and rely on the eastern flowing rivers for water. On top of that, the cost would be prohibitive and the environmental damage beyond belief.”
Mick looked up from his laptop.
“Don’t be negative, Bazza. Dutts said not to worry about the costs. That will be sorted after the election. I like the fact it is a big idea, Ron. Big ideas mean big announcements. It would get a good run in the media and would warrant a podcast.”
Timeless Tom took a long sip and leaned in.
“Bazza is right about most of the population relying on the eastern flowing rivers for water. Now… to overcome that problem, Mick, I suggest we tow icebergs up from the Antartica to guarantee fresh water supplies along the coast.”
Mick’s eyes beamed as he attacked the keyboard.
“Now we are talking. It will have the added benefit of addressing rising sea levels with the melting of the Antarctic Circle due to climate change. Our Pacific family will love us. Wow… what a visual! Dutts in full fluoro on top of an iceberg coming into Sydney Harbour. Imagine the look on the faces of the Teals. It’s a dead set winner.”
Bazza blinked repeatedly and shook his head.
“How about doing something that is practical and achievable, Mick? I suggest the Medicare levy be increased from 2 percent to 2.5 percent of taxable income and every cent be spent on fixing our health system.”
A stunned silence and Mick momentarily closed his eyes.
“A costed policy Bazza? That would never work… I mean where is the headline? It’s hard to come up with a gripping visual of a healthcare system that works. It’s too boring, Bazza. I’m with Ron and Tom.”
John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.
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