It’s important that God’s people have a balanced, rounded, unfettered, unalloyed, uncluttered, unspotted, and sound understanding of God’s Word with respect to all issues of life, marriage inclusive. Often, believers adopt practices not because they are Scripturally correct, but simply because they are in vogue. However, such practice, I believe, amounts to extreme religiosity and wanton conformity.
Against this backdrop, many people innocently, yet ignorantly, make very dangerous, damning, and destructive confessions during their wedding vows. This abysmal conduct is aggravated by the fact that it is performed before many witnesses, including the church of God, without careful consideration of the implications and consequences of such negative statements.
Honestly and most sincerely, without any intent to spite anyone, I cannot comprehend why couples are asked to say to each other on their wedding day, “I take you to be my wife or husband, and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health…” as there is no basis for this in Scriptures.
First, marriage is not “for better for worse.” All scriptures that outline God’s purpose for marriage demonstrate the opposite. When God created male and female, He blessed them (Genesis 1:28), not cursed them. Jesus, referring to this in Matthew 19:4, emphasized God’s rationale for marriage. Paul also says in Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honorable, which doesn’t suggest it entails “for worse.” Proverbs 18:22 equates finding a wife with obtaining favor from the Lord, which hardly implies “for worse.” As God’s people, we move from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18) and our path shines brighter unto the perfect day (Proverbs 4:18). Therefore, marriage should be for glory and blessing, not “for better for worse.”
Second, marriage is not “for richer for poorer.” We are not poor, to begin with. Our Lord Jesus, who was rich, became poor for our sake, so that through His poverty we might be rich (2 Corinthians 8:9). Revelation 5:12 and Philippians 4:19 further support this, showing God’s intention for our material blessing.
Third, marriage is not “in sorrow and in joy.” It can never be, as for us, it is joy unspeakable and full of glory (1 Peter 1:8). Jesus bore our griefs and carried our sorrows (Isaiah 53:4), so how can marriage be for both sorrow and joy? We are admonished to rejoice irrespective of life’s situations (Philippians 4:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16, James 1:2).
Fourth, marriage is not “in sickness and in health.” Jesus took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses; with His stripes, we are healed (Isaiah 53:5, Matthew 8:17, 1 Peter 2:24). The New Testament teaches that God’s will is for us to be in health (3 John 2).
Therefore, it is clear that marriage is not for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health. Those who believe otherwise claim that such confessions promote loyalty and commitment. However, I argue that nothing strengthens a marriage more than a confession of faith.
Where is the balance in all of this? Am I suggesting that marriage won’t have challenges? No, but we are not to confess these challenges. We are charged to hold fast to our confession of faith (Hebrews 4:14, 10:23), focusing on the unseen promises of God (2 Corinthians 4:18). Jesus, in Hebrews 12:2, did not deny challenges but overlooked them for the joy ahead. We are to rejoice over life’s circumstances, knowing Christ has already overcome the world (John 16:33).
I encourage you to be mindful of your words on your wedding day, as they can shape your marriage. Remember, “By thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned” (Matthew 12:37).
Thank you for reading. Shalom!
