Loren Ridinger on Grief and the Power of Hair and Makeup

“Scrambled or sunny-side up?” It was the question JR Ridinger asked his wife, Loren, every morning at breakfast during their 36-year marriage. Today, the entrepreneur and co-founder of Market America and SHOP.com, and creator of cosmetic line Motives, releases her debut book with a title that plays homage to that daily line. Calling it “more than just a memoir,” Loren considers SCRAMBLED OR SUNNY-SIDE UP? Living Your Best Life After Losing Your Greatest Love a guide to turning loss into a powerful force for growth, as she recounts the heartbreaking and sudden loss of JR, her beloved husband and business partner, who died suddenly at 63 after suffering a pulmonary embolism while on a family vacation. Revealing how she found the strength to move through grief and start living fully by embracing each day, Loren recently sat down with us to share what she is serving up next.

What was the process like to sit down and get pen to paper for the book?

Really hard at first. I didn’t start until February of last year, and it was a challenge to start. When you’re really suffering in grief, it’s almost like you have a loss of memory for some period of time. You lose everything that you’re trying to remember…like you’re trying to remember every moment of everything in your life, but you can’t. If you lost your spouse, like I did, you want to remember all the great moments. But, for some reason, nothing would come to me the first year.

Then, I just gave myself the time to get through it. Things started to come in. As they came in, a friend told me to just start putting it in my phone. And I did; I started creating these notes in my phone. I’d never written that way before. I write notes to myself all the time, but I’d never fully written full-blown paragraphs. I was writing almost like I was writing to JR—these big paragraphs of our life. “Do you remember this? Do you remember that? I didn’t get to tell you this.” Before I knew it, it was coming together unintentionally.

He had said to me in October of 2021 that he wanted us to write a book. And he died in August of 2022. So many people would also ask us: “How do you keep a marriage together for 32 years?” And we’ve been together for 36! How did we do it? We came from nothing, and we both ended up creating such a successful company. Our magic formula was the conversation, the communication. And we really believed in each other.

I think it just came together finally. It’s something I’m really proud of. It took a lot of work and a lot of tears. Even now, when I begin to read it over and over again, I still have really strong emotional moments about it.

I’m sure. Thank you for sharing that. I love the title of the book. I know a little bit about where it came from. Did that come first, in the middle or at the end?

It’s so funny because I didn’t think of Scrambled or Sunny-Side Up? at first. Then, when I was on my final chapter, the publisher called me, and said, “I’m really blown away with this story and all the stories in the book, but the story of the eggs really got me.” She said, “Can you explain it to me?” I explained the short story that, every day, JR would ask me for a scrambled or sunnyside up. For 10 years, I loved it. I love that he needed me like that. He thought so much of me to care about my opinion.

It wasn’t just eggs. That’s just the concept. It was eggs, of course, but it was his shirt, his jeans, what jacket he should wear, what shoes he should wear. He always wanted to impress me. Every day, I’d say, “Scrambled or sunny-side up?” It turns out it’s one day scrambled, one day sunny-side up. Finally, we got to a point in our life…I was so frustrated, and I was busy working, and we were both building toward the same thing. I felt like I had a lot on me. I’d be like, “Sit there, you figure it out! What do you want? What are you in the mood for? It’s your summit. Come on.”

He would be like, “Why is that frustrating to you? Just help me out here.” Today, I would give anything for him to ask me that again. I would be so thrilled for him to ask me that again—because those are the very reasons I fell in love with him. Why I let them frustrate me makes me angry at myself….

The publisher said, “I think the book should be called Scrambled or Sunny-Side Up.” It made so much sense to me because my life was so scrambled in chapters 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. You can see the difference in the first chapter of Loren and the last chapter of Loren.

You know what I mean? It’s only been two years, but I can see the growth that’s happened. Your life is really scrambled during rage and you can turn it sunny-side up. It’s hard, but you can. The double meaning of it makes so much sense. So we went with that. It’s very personal, and it really works.

When you are having a down day or an off day, what are some of the tools that work for you right now?

I don’t think there’s a real answer for anyone. In fact, I know there isn’t. For me, it’s my work. It’s helping other people. It’s really diving in and finishing a project that I’ve been wanting to do and doing it successfully. I have these big dreams, always. Fulfilling them and helping other people fulfill their dreams has been such a big part of who we are for all these years, and when I got back to my work, it became the most fulfilling thing again. It reminded me of where I belonged and where I fit.

I was lost for the first year-and-a-half of losing JR—and I’m still lost sometimes—but during the last six months, I’ve been able to remind myself that this is the space that we created. This is where we thrived. That is where I feel happiest.

It’s work, and it’s also walking. I have a goal—I have to hit 8,000 steps a day. I also don’t go to bed without putting on 10 creams. I’m one of those people who’s a freak of nature. I’m a human laboratory. I try everything; I explore everything, and I don’t mind trying and trying and trying again. It’s a process for me. And part of the process of healing is taking care of yourself.

It definitely is.

I do that through beauty, and through things that make me feel good. When JR was here…we were able to work from home, even though we had big headquarters everywhere. Because we worked from home, I could work in my pajamas, put my hair in a ponytail. He didn’t care. He loved me just the way I was.

When he died and I fell apart, I literally had scheduled my hair and makeup every day for one year out. If I did not do it, I would not feel good. I scheduled someone to do my hair and makeup every day, which has not stopped since he passed away.

It’s so funny because I’m in the middle of finishing filming season one of a show I’m doing for Amazon. They say to me all the time, “Well, you know you don’t have to do makeup for today.” I’m like, “I don’t do it for you guys—I do it for me.” I do it for me because ever since he passed away, if I don’t force myself to get up, get dressed and have makeup on, I don’t feel right. And when you look good, you feel your best.

I do that because even though JR loved me for how I was with the ponytail, when I would get up and get dressed, he would always say, “You look hot. You look gorgeous.” I did it for me. I still do. It’s been something…when I knew I was going to talk to you, I was excited to tell you that story. Because it’s beauty, but it is also something a lot bigger. It’s actually been part of my healing.

Between the show and work, you have a very busy schedule. When you do take time for yourself, what does that look like?

People always ask if I like to go anywhere or travel anywhere. For me, a real day off is to be at my home and be on the couch and not have the phone ringing. I love to be able to cuddle up and watch a really good old Lifetime movie or something that warms my heart. I tried to avoid sensitive movies for a long time…and now I’m back at it.

But I really love being at home with my grandchildren and my daughter. That’s a real treat. I really leaned on my kids during all of this, which is different because, as parents, we’re so used to our children leaning on us, and that has been a role reversal since this happened. They warm my heart and remind me that love still exists and that the world is still good.