9 Harsh Truths You Only Learn With Age

These will be harsh truths, indeed. The worst part is you can know these harsh truths when you are younger, but they only become real, and really hit home, when you are older.

1.) The People You Grew Up With Are Gone

The world is filled with wonder when you are a child. Parents and other adult family members quickly fill your worldview. Even kids a few years older are a significant part of your life and seems to have it all.

As you grow older you probably admire some of the older people you know. They seem to have figured life out and were living a good life. The 20s seem so exciting, the 30s and 40s such a settled time of life as you settle into a routine, people in their 50s talk of sports and past family generations, then the 60s and older are so relaxed as they quietly enjoy the family gatherings.

Of course, it isn’t a perfect timeline. Every family or group of adults have issues. However, the stress seems so far away as the “adults” discuss how the problems should be addressed. They appear all-knowing.

Then you grow older. As you enter adulthood you discover it isn’t that easy. But those people who were always there in your life are people you want to make proud. Then the first reality check.

A great-grandparent, or uncle, or cousin, or some distant friend of the family dies. You don’t fully understand. They were not super close to you so you deal with it. Or at least you didn’t understand, if they were close. Death was something unreal.

Yet time keeps counting. Before you know it, all your grandparents are gone. Your parent’s siblings are dropping fast. You are running out of aunts and uncles.

Then you lose a parent and it feels like an anvil on your chest.

2.) Celebrating Your Victories Alone

It is now that you understand for the first time that you will celebrate your victories with people who you didn’t know when you were a child or young adult.

The people you wanted to impress the most, the people you wanted to share your successes with are no longer there.

You will also discover that those victories celebrated with people newer in your life is not the same. Your can impress your children, spouse or significant other, nieces, and nephews. Still, it is not the same as sharing those wins with a parent or sibling. The family and other adults you grew up admiring are gone. They will never know you made it. That you did something important.

3.) Your Greatest Successes Will Happen When You Are Older

Which leads us to another harsh truth you only really understand when you are older. Your greatest successes will happen later in life.

Yes, you might share your college graduation or landing that dream job or starting that business with loved ones from childhood. But often, the biggest wins of your life will happen when you are older.

Warren Buffett generated over 99% of his financial wealth after he turned 65, according to Morgan Housel. It is even noted that Buffett likely would be unknown if he had retired at 65, so much of his wealth came afterwards.

Some of us get lucky and hit the ball out of the park before too many of our family and friends go to meet the Lord. Many more of us, and even some of the lucky just mentioned, will have victories that will be bittersweet. They will think, “If only mom or dad could have seen me now. They would have been so proud.” But they passed away years ago and had no idea what your future held.

As these realizations become real as you age, it can become even worse. Your spouse or significant other may no longer be on the earth. Can you imagine publishing a book that hits the bestseller list and the love of your life, parents, and other family members from your youth are no longer there to share the excitement with you? Whether you can imagine it or not, that is your future, should you live long enough.

4.) You Will Do the Same Thing To the Young People In Your Family

It is at this time when you realize that you are the older adult in the family the kids are looking up to. It is now, when you look at those young people and understand, “I was once there. And I will do to them what was done to me. They will mourn my passing most when they have a moment of their life to share and I will not be there.”

Now, for the first time, you understand why grandpa sat so quietly at family gatherings as world problems were discussed. Grandpa understood the moment of being together was all that mattered. Problems persist. Family and friends stand in line, taking a steps closer to the front of the line with each funeral. Grandpa knows this and will not waste the moment in idle debate. Instead, he will watch his family make impassioned pleas. He is proud of his family.

In some ways there is an advantage to having few friends and family. The closer you are to the people you admire, the more it will hurt. But, it is better to suffer knowing you are loved than to suffer alone.

5.) You Will Die Alone Or Force Those You Love Most To Do So

All those people you admired as a child and young adult will not be there at the end. The saddest harsh truth you only understand now, when you are older, is that parents and grandparents are unlikely to be there in your last days.

The harshest truth of all is that if you have a spouse or significant other you deeply love, there is a good chance they will not be at your side as your life fades. Unless you and your spouse die in an accident at the same time, one of you will pass first. The other will die without the other in those last moments. I recall my grandfather asking in his last days for my grandmother that died over a decade prior. True loneliness, indeed.

God forbid, you lose a child before you die. I can’t even fathom the sadness for such people. If you are one of these, know my heart reaches out to you.

When you were a child, all the adults knew the right answer to anything that ails you. At least it seemed that way. Those people you loved and admired are no longer there with answers you always knew were profound. If you have faith, you can rest knowing you will see these family members again. Still, the emptiness is overwhelming.

6.) People Will Forget Your Accomplishments Quickly

I have seen so many people with awesome careers and admired by millions of adoring fans, forgotten before they lower the body into the cold, cold ground.

Christopher Hitchens was forgotten soon after he died of cancer. He was popular on the speaking circuit. Then it was over.

A titan of science fiction, Ray Bradbury had an incredible career. His star dimmed as he aged. Only when he died did he get a short jolt of renewed popularity. People wanted to get his books before they forgot to make the purchase. They also knew there would be no more stories. But it was short lived. How often is Bradbury’s name spoken now?

I could go on, but you understand how it works. Very few people remain a household word once they die. At best they are a memory.

You and I are unlikely to be remembered for long once we die. Even worse for our accomplishments.

What are the odds anyone will remember this blog won an award for Best New Personal Finance Blog of the Year after I die. How many remember while I am still alive!

All those goals are important, to a point. The harsh truth you only discover as you age is that none of those goals mattered near as much as your relationships and experiences. Your friends and family will cherish those times together to the day they die.

7.) You Will Regret Your Dreams

No matter what path you choose in life, there were options you left on the table. What about that business you always wanted to start? Places you wanted to see? A harsh truth people take too long to understand is that “stuff” is not what you will regret. You will regret the experiences you skipped.

For this wayward accountant, I cherish the travel to Costa Rica with my parents. Shortly afterward my dad’s health started to decline. If my wife and I did not take that trip with my parents then, it would never have happened. The memories add a richness to life I cannot overstate.

Knowing this, I take my children with me as often as possible when my wife and I travel. Yes, my kids are adults. But we enjoyed an Alan Walker concert earlier this summer with the girls. None of us will forget that memorable day. My oldest daughter is joining us for a cruise to Hawaii this winter. (We already cruised the Caribbean with her.) Of course, we have “stuff.” But mostly we have memories. Those can never be taken away. If I am right, those moments will be the most precious on my deathbed. I have never regretted time with family or friends. “Stuff” purchased has often caused agnst. And regret.

8.) There Is Hope

In all this sadness there is hope. You know your future It will become so sooner than you think. Knowing this, you can make your relationships more a priority than ever.

Have you ever noticed the oldest people in the family are the quietest? They sit at family gatherings, listening and watching. You know they are old and tired. You can also see they are aware of their family around them. They always seem to have a pale smile. Do you know why?

They know a harsh truth you need to learn as young as possible. Grandma knows she is part of your childhood. She knows you will remember. With fondness.

There is hope because you understand while there is still time. Create memories everyone will cherish. Tell your mom and dad you love them while you still can. I have never regretted hugging my dad and telling him I love him and thanking him for giving me a chance in life. Always tell your mother you love her. Always. Let mom know you care. It is the best memory you can have.

This is for all the dads out there. Tell your children you love them too. It is easy when they are younger But then they get older and it is hard. Boys especially want to push away from all that “I love you” stuff. But, dads, your sons need it more than ever at those times. Tell them you are proud of them. Even when they screw up bad. Because they will. And they need to know you are still on their side. There will come a day when your son will appreciate a hug from dad and an, “I love you and am very proud of you.”

Tell your family and friends you care, that you love them, respect them, are proud of them, because…

9.) …Now Is the Most Important Time

Captain Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation) said perhaps the most important words we all need to hear.

Seize the time… Live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again.

That is your gift. You still have time. All you have is now. Pray you learn this last truth before it becomes harsh.

We can learn a lot from stories. Now. Now is the time to create memories. Now is the time to call a parent just to tell them you love them and are grateful for the gift she gave you. To say, “Thank you.”

Now is the time to tell your child they are precious to you. That you love them unconditionally.

Now is the time to thank a friend. To show kindness to the neighborhood grouch. Now.

Now is all we have. The harsh truths are real. Tomorrow is too late.

Thank you, kind readers. You have no idea how important you are to me. May all your dreams come true. May your memories be bright and carry you through to the end. I am glad you are here.

Go in peace.