How to Uplift ADHD Kids



The ADHD brain thrives in environments that are unwaveringly positive, motivating, and encouraging. A kind, uplifting outlook does wonders for neurodivergent youth, who face more than their fair share of negative feedback, punishment, social rejection, and other daily frustrations. If left unchecked, these challenges can have lasting negative effects.

Lift your child’s spirits (and your own!) with these feel-good, strengths-focused tips informed by the principles of positive psychology.

1. At the dinner table, emphasize the good they did that day.

Use dinnertime as an opportunity to focus on everything that went well that day and how your child’s efforts contributed to positivity. Ask questions or prompts like the following:

  • “Tell us what you got right today.”
  • “Tell me when you stayed on task and got your work done.”
  • “Did you stay calm when something upsetting happened today? What was it?”
  • “Did you almost do something bad today, but decided not to do it? What was it? How did you stop yourself?”
  • “Tell us something you remembered to do today, that you used to forget.”
  • “Did you get along well with other kids today in a group? You welcomed ideas and listened? Tell us about it.”

2. Point out their strengths every chance you get.

Children with ADHD have their challenges pointed out to them every day by everyone in authority. What often gets forgotten or overlooked, though, is building awareness of their strengths.

Children with ADHD will grow into successful, happy adults not because their deficits were erased, but because their strengths were identified, nurtured, and developed through adolescence and into young adulthood. Good teachers, coaches, and other leaders understand this. You’ll observe it in how they talk about children.

[Get This Free Download: Conversation Starters for Parents & Kids to Foster Bonds]

“Your daughter is dynamic in class. When she expresses a strong opinion, she expresses herself well, and the other students listen.”

“Your son took a leadership role and organized the whole project, delegating duties to the others. He really has leadership skills.”

Make it a rule to point out the positives, even as you’re navigating challenges.

“You push my buttons sometimes, but I noticed that you were so kind to your grandmother today at the assisted living home, and to the others as well. The way you show kindness to others is amazing.”

3. Focus on the progress, not the gaps.

Children and adolescents with ADHD often lag behind their peers in some key skills, such as staying on task, remembering important information, and controlling their impulsive behavior.

Awareness of gaps is important, but it shouldn’t be the whole picture. As I learned from a wise parent many years ago, focusing too much on where your child ought to be leads to discouragement and despair. “My child will never grow up! They’ll never make it!”

[Read: Shake Loose of Your Limiting Beliefs — A Guide for Teens with ADHD]

Instead, it is much better to look backward in time and focus on the progress your child has made. In my own practice, I work with families to create a list of small, reachable goals for their child for the next six months, not unlike a school IEP. At the end of this period, we do a review, that might go something like this:

  • My child struggled to flush the toilet in the past, but now they are doing it more than half the time.
  • My child would argue with me about starting homework, but now they get started on their own about half the time.
  • We’ve worked on cleaning up messes, and now they’re doing it almost all the time.  I have to remind them a few times here and there.
  • My child has made it through a whole semester without getting suspended, not even once.

4. Close out the day with affection and empathy.

Raising a child with unique needs can put a great deal of undue stress on the parent-child bond. At the end of the day, repair the bond. Understand that your child is not purposefully trying to give you a hard time. No one wants to live a life with challenges.

Give your child a hug. Offer empathy. “It’s not easy, is it? I forgive you. Forgive me for yelling at you. I need a hug, too. Tomorrow is a new day, and we’ll start over, trying to get things right.”

5. Send positive messages of hope and optimism for the future.

Be a beacon of light for your child, especially as they pass through the adolescent and young adult years. Even a kind text message here and there can be well received.

  • “You have many strengths (name them). Use those today to be successful.”
  • “Today is a new day. Make a fresh start. Get things right. I know you can do it.”
  • “You have family and friends all around you who love you and are rooting for you. They are ready to help you, anytime.”
  • “You are growing, changing, and learning from your mistakes. You have a way to go, but you’re making progress. Keep at it.”

Positive Attitude in ADHD Kids: Next Steps


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References

Seligman, M.  2006.  Learned Optimism. Vintage.

Seligman, M.  2004.  Authentic Happiness. Simon Element / Simon Acumen



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