Trump plans grotesque military parade for his 79th birthday

As the economy implodes, President Donald Trump has other priorities—like planning his birthday party.

On Monday evening, two defense officials told CNN that Trump’s team is in the early stages of organizing a military parade in Washington, D.C., ostensibly to commemorate the Army’s 250th anniversary. 

But reports also suggest Trump, who dodged the military draft during the Vietnam War, is eyeing June 14 for the spectacle—which is, conveniently, his 79th birthday. 

The White House denies the parade is set for that date, but given the administration’s track record with the truth, that’s to be taken with a grain of salt. More telling is the fact that the celebration has been in the works for a year, and local officials are already in talks with the administration about logistics.

“I haven’t been directly involved in it yet. I understand that—I think it was Homeland Security, maybe the White House—reached out to our special events task force, which is what most people wanting to do a parade do in the district. So, I would say it’s at its early stages. Yes, they have reached out. I don’t know if it’s being characterized as a military parade,” D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser told CNN.

Arlington County Board Chair Takis Karantonis confirmed that he received a “heads up” from a White House official last week. 

“It’s not clear to me what the scope of a parade would be,” he said, adding that he hopes the federal government considers the pain that military veterans are feeling as they face job insecurity due to recent DOGE actions.

The parade, which could stretch nearly four miles from the Pentagon to the White House, is a relatively new addition to the Army’s 250th anniversary celebration, just emerging in more recent discussions between the Army and the White House, CNN reports.

“Any discussion of the parade is pre-decisional at this point. We are intending to have a national level celebration to help build pride in America’s army and increase pride in America,” Army spokesperson Col. Dave Butler told CNN.

From the sound of it, the parade is still in the early planning stages. But this is Trump doing what he does best: staging a spectacle for himself, even as his tariff-fueled trade war tanks the economy and inflation burns a hole in consumers’ pockets.

In that way, it makes perfect sense that he’s playing coy. He might have to force people to celebrate him this year, since even his billionaire buddies—many of whom he’s bleeding dry—probably don’t feel like throwing him a party.

But Trump has always loved the idea of being celebrated. Ever since he saw a military parade in France in 2017, he’s been obsessed. 

“We’re going to have to try and top it,” he said. 

He tried—briefly—but canceled plans in 2018 when the estimated $92 million price tag (including an extra $21.6 million for D.C. public safety) proved too steep. Predictably, he blamed D.C. officials and threw a fit on social media.

Bowser, for her part, is already sounding the alarm. 

“Military tanks on our streets would not be good. If military tanks were used, they should be accompanied with many millions of dollars to repair the roads,” she told Politico.

And that’s the thing: Trump may not care about economic fallout, global unrest, or how veterans feel about being used as parade props. What he does care about is being the center of attention—no matter the cost. 

And with this parade, he might just get the birthday bash he’s always wanted—whether anyone else likes it or not.

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