When we were a much younger couple with four toddlers in tow, an elderly woman from church stepped into our lives, insisting on offering her service. Angelee soon became an honorary member of the Mandrell crew, affectionately called “Granny A” by our kids. Changing diapers, giving bottles, doing laundry—there were no jobs too small for this servant-hearted woman. Words cannot express the blessing she became in our lives.
Fifteen years later, our children have grown up, two off to college and two finishing up high school, but the impact of Granny A’s wisdom goes on. Not long ago, she gave us a notebook filled with her favorite sayings and advice she’d gathered over ninety years, like seashells tossed in a bucket on the beach. As we flipped through this treasure book recently, we made note of three pithy sayings that seemed to resonate, which seemed just right for this occasion. We wish we had learned these sooner.
“Swallowing pride never choked anyone.”
Is anything harder in marriage than offering up a sincere apology? At work, when we interrupt our coworker or blow off our boss, we recognize the rift and repair the fence quickly. At home, however, our pride seems to get in the way. In his book, Sacred Marriage, author Gary Thomas wrote, “Couples don’t fall out of love; they fall out of repentance.”1 Lynley and I have hung onto that truth, and I try to remember it when our friendship seems forced and our conversations have drifted to the shallows. In these cases, one of us usually owes the other an apology. But it’s delayed.
I wish I could say that this has gotten easier over the years—that we both rush quickly to make things right when we’ve wounded the other, but pride is a lifelong villain that we face again and again. Marriage remains fresh so long as two sinners remain soft-hearted and humble about their sin. We have both made many mistakes here.
“Enjoy the good. Endure the bad. Neither will last.”
As a pastor, I’ve conducted countless weddings and helped many couples recite their vows. “For richer, for poorer” is so easy to say when standing in flawless clothes, with all those beautiful flowers scattered everywhere. Staying committed in the hard times, or the painfully boring times—this is a different thing. The shine of the wedding wears off so fast.
Lynley recently came across a short poem by Nikita Gill, which emphasizes the importance of accepting life on its own terms. When she read it aloud, my mind went to the realities of marriage and the seasons of struggle that require grit.
Do you relate to this as we did? Are you having a tough year with your spouse? Are you struggling to find the strength to push through the day? You’re not alone. This is all part of the journey. Just keep showing up, choosing to be there for your spouse. This you can do.
“Do not forget the little kindnesses, and do not remember the little faults.”
Confession: We have been historically bad at this. We continue to be bad at this.
Lynley and I have a natural skill for noticing the “tweaks” the other could make to improve their marriage game. A critical spirit comes naturally to both of us, and we sometimes boast about our “courage” to speak up and keep things real. We both enjoy coaching. While some of this is healthy—we all need some space to stand up for ourselves—the line is easily crossed, causing resentment and wounds.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could all see our spouse’s strengths in magnified form? Like those polarized sunglasses that make the green grass GREEN? And what if those same glasses made the flaws of our spouse dull and indiscernible? Sadly, such glasses don’t exist, but we can hold onto the words of Christ, who said: “The one who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him.’ He said this about the Spirit” (John 7:38-39a).
Has your tone toward your spouse turned harsh? If so, remember this Granny A-ism and ask the Holy Spirit to remind you of the beauty your spouse brings into your life each and every day.
In the fall of 2026, a humongous reality check arrives for Ben Mandrell. I’ll be turning fifty, celebrating twenty-five years of marriage, and traveling with Lynley to release our fourth and final kid at some college. Even typing those words makes me pause and wonder how this could possibly be true. But it is. That day is coming. And our marriage will morph, and change, like it has repeatedly. We’ve spent half our lives together, and yet we still feel like rookies in learning how to love.
No matter how many years you’ve been together, we urge you to stay true to your promise, to love this human being for better, for worse, till death do you part. It’s worth it.
Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.
—Galatians 6:9
About Ben and Lynley Mandrell
Ben and Lynley Mandrell believe ministry is a team sport. Married twenty-three years, they have served churches together in Tennessee and Colorado while raising their four kids: Ava, Max, Miles, and Jack. In 2014 the Mandrells felt the disruptive call of God and moved their family to Denver to launch Storyline Fellowship. What began as a Bible study in their house became a thriving church with 1,600 people packing into a renovated Wal-Mart each week. During those five years, Ben and Lynley learned what it means to embrace risk and to live adventurously for God. In 2019, God interrupted their plans once again, calling the Mandrells to Nashville where Ben serves as the tenth president of Lifeway Christian Resources and Lynley serves as strategic project manager for Visioneering Studios. In 2021, Ben and Lynley launched The Glass House, a podcast hosted by Lifeway, where they have conversations with leaders who have experienced the stress of ministry. In their free time, the family enjoys exploring the national parks, searching for chips and queso, and playing with their two golden retrievers, Finn and Sully.
Work Cited
- Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005), 417.
