Do you often feel like you’re never good enough, no matter how hard you try? Do you judge or criticize yourself in a way you would never do to anyone else?
These could be signs of ADHD perfectionism. This adult ADHD trait is often overlooked, but it can influence how you speak to yourself and what you believe about yourself.
Your self-talk and thoughts are powerful. When you think you’re not good enough, putting yourself out there to accomplish your goals and ambitions becomes harder.
Conversely, when you let go of perfectionism, you’ll build healthy beliefs and mindsets about your strengths and capabilities.
This frees you from the mental restraints of needing to be “perfect.” Ultimately, you’ll have more room to explore your gifts and talents, learn from mistakes, and pursue your ambitions.
What Is Perfectionism in the Context of ADHD?
ADHD typically comes with a lack of focus, poor memory, disorganization, and time blindness—traits that aren’t usually linked to perfectionism.
Yet, research shows that this mindset is one of the most common cognitive distortions in adults with ADHD. [1]
That’s because perfectionism carries a much deeper definition than being “perfect” at everything. It’s better described as having greater expectations for yourself than what the situation requires.[2]
Essentially, ADHD perfectionism can look like setting unrealistic standards for yourself. Sometimes, it involves the tendency to compare yourself to those around you. And for many ADHDers, it may manifest as a crippling fear or anxiety of making mistakes.
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What Is the Root Cause of Perfectionism in ADHD?
ADHD performance anxiety and the need to be perfect often stem from the ADHDer’s life experiences.
If you have ADHD, you may have symptoms like inattention, overlooking details, or making careless mistakes.[3] These might have also earned you disapproval, criticism, disappointment, or even punishment from other people.
Over the years, you can become hyperaware of the errors you make. You might even beat yourself up over the tiniest slip-ups and feel the strong need to impress and prove your worth to those around you.
It can be difficult to truly appreciate and commend yourself for how far you’ve come. But learning to celebrate the progress you’ve made can help you silence this urge to be perfect.
Recognizing the Symptoms of ADHD Perfectionism
ADHD perfectionism isn’t a trait that’s talked about much.
To spot it, keep an eye out for these common signs:
- Having higher standards or expectations of yourself than what’s required of the situation
- Re-checking your work over and over again
- Spending a prolonged amount of time on your tasks
- Feeling very fearful or anxious about making mistakes
- Delaying and procrastinating on tasks [4]
- Experiencing ADHD paralysis and being unable to make decisions or work on a task
- Choosing to avoid tasks and miss deadlines rather than turning in something “imperfect”
- Comparing yourself to those around you
- Having an all-or-nothing mindset, where something is either “perfect” or a “failure”
- Low self-esteem and confidence issues
- Getting defensive when receiving constructive feedback
- Feeling extremely discouraged when met with challenges or setbacks
- Dealing with a lot of negative self-talk and criticism
- Believing you do not deserve compliments, praise, or the success you achieve
Recognizing perfectionism is the first step to rebuilding your mindset and confidence.
From Procrastination to Hyperfocus: The Duality of Perfectionism
ADHD perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On one hand, perfectionism enables you to focus on your task until it’s completed well. This might improve your productivity, reduce the likelihood of making mistakes, and encourage you to do your best.
However, if not kept in check, perfectionism can also lead to procrastination and ADHD paralysis.
In the long run, the pressure to do your absolute best with no leeway for mistakes might lead to burnout, exhaustion, and poor mental health.
Rewiring your mindset to be more compassionate to yourself will take persistent effort. However, it can save you from unnecessary anxiety, stress, and burnout down the road.
Why Life With ADHD Perfectionism Symptoms May Feel Challenging
There are various reasons why ADHD perfectionism can make daily life even more of a challenge.
Having almost impossible expectations is unsustainable in the long run. It can cause burnout, exhaustion, self-esteem issues, and unnecessary stress.
When this happens, you may quickly become overwhelmed. Even simple tasks like household chores might feel unbearable.
Apart from that, you’d likely experience great disappointment if you fail to reach these high standards. This can build pessimism and lead to dwindling motivation to pursue your dreams.
Strategies for Managing ADHD Perfectionism
Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to your dreams and ambitions. There’s a way to balance your mental health and self-expectations while still achieving significant milestones.
Let’s explore some strategies you can use to manage ADHD perfectionism.
1. Build the Right Mindsets
Your thoughts frame your actions, your actions drive your habits, and your habits can steer the course of your life. What you think and believe can make a significant difference.
You can try these strategies to build healthier mindsets that can help you overcome ADHD perfectionism:
- Reflect on why you feel the need to be perfect. Are you looking to gain the approval or validation of others? By understanding the root cause, you’ll be able to find more effective mindset shifts that can help you overcome perfectionism.
- Understand that perfection is the enemy of progress. The need to be perfect can hold you back from starting or continuing whatever you’re working on. This can hinder your progress and improvement.
- Keep in mind that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak or worthless. It’s a smart move to seek assistance or support.
- Practice self-affirmations. Examples include “I am good enough,” “My worth isn’t defined by what I can or cannot do,” and “I deserve kindness and compassion.” You can put these around the house, such as on your mirror, or save them as phone wallpaper.
- Begin to celebrate the achievements of others. Comparison is the biggest thief of joy. One great way to let go of the desire to compare is to start celebrating other people’s wins. It might also be helpful to take a social media break.
- Embrace mistakes as an opportunity to learn. Trying and failing is better than failing to try. Each time you put yourself out there is an opportunity for you to learn and grow from the process. If you don’t try, you won’t get the chance to succeed either.
- Practice being more open-minded to constructive feedback. No matter what you do, someone will have something to say. But what’s important is what you choose to do with it. Think about it objectively, reflecting on how that feedback can help you progress and improve.
2. Set Well-Balanced Goals
While setting goals and expectations for yourself, consider whether they’re realistic or necessary.
Are you constantly moving the goalpost the moment you hit your target? Do you expect yourself to be naturally good at something right away? Does every email you send out have to be 100% error-free?
Many situations might not call for the standards you set for yourself. Make sure your goals are personalized to yourself and your situation. Don’t set them based on what others have achieved.
3. Build Systems to Address Your Symptoms
Perfectionism is often a coping mechanism used to deal with ADHD symptoms. It’s a lot of pressure to depend solely on yourself to get everything right. Instead, you can build and rely on systems that can help you manage these symptoms better.
Here are some examples:
- Organization and Prioritization: An app to track your to-do tasks can be helpful. You can also color code your tasks based on their urgency so you know what to focus on.
- Focus: You can try the body doubling technique, where you work alongside another person. Another useful technique is the Pomodoro technique. It encourages you to alternate between periods of focused work and short breaks.
- Memory: Logging dates and setting digital alarms and reminders are ways to remind yourself of important events and deadlines.
- Time Management: Setting up a daily schedule or routine might help you manage your time better. It may also be helpful to plan your schedule around your most productive hours.
- Motivation: You can set rewards for achieving milestones. Alternatively, try apps that “gamify” boring tasks, such as Habitica or Forest. These use gaming elements, like collecting experience points to level up your character, as a form of motivation.
4. Celebrate Your Wins and Progress
Take some time each day to appreciate the “little” things. No matter how small they may seem. These small steps of progress can add up and pave the way toward success.
Think about how you can celebrate your big and small wins.
For example, you can learn to embrace compliments instead of denying them.
You can also reward yourself for achieving small goals in simple yet meaningful ways, like running a warm bubble bath for yourself or going out for a nice meal.
Self-Compassion Drives Away Perfectionism
You might have noticed that many of the strategies above help you nurture and build self-compassion. That’s because self-compassion is a powerful remedy for perfectionism.
Think of it like this: self-compassion is like a muscle you can train in the gym. The more you use it, the stronger it gets, and the more natural it feels.
So be patient with yourself and the process. When you choose to forgive, invest, and believe in yourself, you set the stage for greater fulfillment and purpose.
Professional advice can also be invaluable in helping you overcome ADHD perfectionism. The ADDA webinar series, Perfectionism and ADHD, offers practical insights and tips on dealing with ADHD perfectionism.
To benefit from this course and others, join ADDA+, a premier resource for adults with ADHD.
References
[1] Serine, A. D., Rosenfield, B., DiTomasso, R. A., Collins, J. M., Rostain, A. L., & Ramsay, J. R. (2020). The Relationship Between Cognitive Distortions and Adult Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder After Accounting for Comorbidities and Personality Traits. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 44(5), 967–976. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-020-10115-2
[2] Bodalski, E. A., Abu-Ramadan, T. M., Hough, C. E., Lefler, E. K., Meinzer, M. C., & Antshel, K. M. (2023). Low standards yet disappointed: ADHD symptoms and experiential avoidance in college students. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 28. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2023.04.002
[3] Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. DSM-5 Changes: Implications for Child Serious Emotional Disturbance [Internet]. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2016 Jun. Table 7, DSM-IV to DSM-5 Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Comparison. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t3/
[4] Katzenmajer-Pump, L., Farkas, B. F., Varga, B. A., Jansma, J. M., & Balázs, J. (2021). Low Level of Perfectionism as a Possible Risk Factor for Suicide in Adolescents With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Frontiers in psychiatry, 12, 707831. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.707831
