Imagine if traffic lights skipped yellow and went straight from green to red without warning – driving under these conditions would be very stressful.
If you have ADHD, handling your emotions might feel a bit like this. You may be calm and happy one moment. Then, without any warning, a small trigger can flip your emotions from “green” to “red.”
Dealing with these unpredictable emotions is challenging, but they don’t make you a bad person. Understanding this will help you be more compassionate and patient with yourself.
Of course, it’s still important to take responsibility for your actions and identify your ADHD triggers. This is the key to healthier relationships and better mental wellbeing.
You can try the strategies below to regain control over your emotions. The techniques in this article can help you navigate complicated feelings and act in the best interest of yourself and those you love.
What Is Emotional Dysregulation in ADHD?
Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulty in controlling and regulating emotions. ADHD triggers can be internal or external and may lead to intense or unpredictable emotions that seem blown out of proportion and even snowball into a complete meltdown.
Having emotions is healthy and normal. However, people with ADHD may struggle to know how to react to their feelings.
According to research, emotional dysregulation is more often observed in people with ADHD than those without it. Researchers suggest that ADHD is the mental health disorder with the strongest link to it.[1]
Examples of Emotional Dysregulation
If you have ADHD, your emotions might feel like they’re all or nothing.
You might try masking your ADHD and holding back your feelings to fit in and steer clear of conflict. But when you do let yourself feel, even small things can trigger overwhelming emotions.
Here are some examples of what emotional dysregulation in ADHD might look like:
- Experiencing intense emotions, like anger outbursts or high anxiety
- Crying in response to a variety of feelings, even happiness
- Struggling to take your focus away from your emotions
- Having feelings that seem blown out of proportion
- Having mood swings and unpredictable emotions
- Having a low tolerance for frustrating situations
- Being unaware of the feelings of other people
- Difficulty soothing and calming yourself
- Focusing mainly on the negative
- Becoming overly excited
These symptoms often appear early on in childhood. They also usually persist into adulthood.[2] Some research even suggests that challenges in regulating emotions affect around 34-70% of adults with ADHD.[3]
What Causes Emotional Dysregulation in ADHD?
Having ADHD can make it harder to regulate emotions. That’s because the function and structure of the ADHD brain are different from a non-ADHD one.
In general, there are two main reasons why ADHD is often linked to intense feelings.
Firstly, the amygdala of the ADHD brain is thought to function differently. The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure inside your brain. It plays a role in regulating emotions like fear, anxiety, aggression, and anger.[4]
Research suggests differences in the size and activation of the amygdala in the ADHD brain.[5] As a result, you might experience stronger emotions and struggle to control impulses.
The second reason is a change in function of another part called the frontal cortex. This region plays a crucial role in interpreting, expressing, and regulating emotions. It also helps you sort through different reactions before you act on them.[6] This part of the brain allows you to decide what you should and shouldn’t say or do.
Researchers have also found that there’s a decreased activation of the frontal cortex in the ADHD brain. It’s less likely to inhibit big reactions like it’s supposed to. So it can be difficult to respond to your feelings in a way that helps you achieve your goals.[7]
To sum it up, the amygdala and frontal cortex of the ADHD brain function differently, causing many ADHDers to experience intense feelings. They may also struggle to control their responses and can react strongly.
How Can Emotional Dysregulation Impact Your Life?
Emotional dysregulation can affect different areas of your life.
The following are some possible impacts of emotional dysregulation:
- Workplace difficulties: The stress of meeting deadlines can be hard to deal with. Minor hiccups and inconveniences might lead to overwhelming anxiety or fear. Additionally, it can be tricky to build healthy relationships with colleagues and peers.
- Study problems: Emotional dysregulation can make concentrating, learning, and being productive harder due to intense stress. Having outbursts or displaying over-the-top emotions also makes it harder to form friendships with classmates, leading to isolation.
- Relationship conflicts: If you struggle to regulate your emotions, you may have more conflicts with family, friends, and romantic partners. You may often ruminate on these issues rather than focus on finding solutions. Minor disagreements or triggers may also become full-blown arguments, leading to hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
- Mental health struggles: It can be more difficult to deal with sadness, anger, and frustration. This may contribute to or worsen other mental health conditions. As an example, research suggests that depression and emotional dysregulation are closely linked.[8]
- A tendency for risky behaviors: Research shows that people with trouble regulating emotions are more likely to participate in risky behaviors. These include substance misuse and dangerous driving practices.[9] [10]
Some people with ADHD may be unaware that the hurdles they face are due to emotional dysregulation. So, you can start by figuring out which challenges you’re struggling with may be due to this.
Do you find it hard to resolve conflicts with your partner? Perhaps you lash out when your stress levels get too high. Maybe your frustration and fears often lead to ADHD paralysis.
Once you’ve pinpointed which challenges are linked to it, you can apply the strategies below in these areas to manage your feelings better.
How to Deal With Emotional Dysregulation
You can’t completely change the way your brain functions.
But there are steps you can take that work in favor of how your brain is naturally wired – not against it.
Step 1: Pause and Breathe
When you get caught in a bad situation, pause for a few seconds. Try to stop yourself from reacting right away. If you need to walk away, go ahead. Use some ADHD calming techniques to find your balance.
As you wait, slow your breathing. You can practice “7-11 breathing:”
- Breathe in for the count of 7
- Hold for 7
- Breathe out for 11
- Continue until you can think calmly again
Step 2: Acknowledge Your Feelings
Having ADHD doesn’t mean your emotions shouldn’t be acknowledged. Your feelings are real and valid – what might not be an issue for others may be a big deal for you, and that’s okay.
Remind yourself that your big emotions are all part of being human. Accepting them as they are gives you space to think and process them properly.
At the same time, you don’t have to indulge or act upon them.
Do something that helps you calm down, like reading or taking a hot shower. You can also direct your emotions elsewhere. Try writing them down in a journal or diary; it might help you make sense of them.
Step 3: Reframe Your Self-Talk
When you can think calmly again, consider what you’re telling yourself. Is there any other possibility or alternative to the “story” in your head?
What was said or done may have a different meaning than you think. The situation may not be as bad as it seems, and positive solutions exist.
Thinking things are worse than they are fuels your anger, frustration, or sadness. Reframing how you think can make those thoughts less powerful and help you see situations in a better light.
Step 4: Reflect and Learn Your Triggers
Whenever you experience intense emotions, reflect on why it happened. What caused you to feel that way?
You can list out possible triggers in a diary or journal. Knowing your triggers can help you avoid or minimize them in the future.
Though, certain triggers are non-avoidable. Like getting anxious before a work meeting or stressing out as the due date for an important project nears.
In these cases, you can prepare yourself emotionally beforehand. Try giving yourself additional prep time for a meeting to journal, cry, or use another way to express what you’re feeling. That way, you’re less likely to have an emotional outburst at inconvenient times, like during the meeting.
When your triggers don’t have any advanced warning, like a family member crossing your boundaries unknowingly, take a moment. Then, when you’re calm, think about what you can productively do to prevent it from happening again.
Bonus Method 1: Try the R.A.I.N Method
You can use this method as a meditation and mindfulness practice or when you feel overwhelmed. It goes like this:
- Recognize what’s happening. Recognize the thoughts and emotions that you’re feeling. Name and label them – “anger,” “disappointment,” or “stress.”
- Allow thoughts and feelings to exist. Allow your thoughts and emotions to be present without suppressing or dismissing them. You don’t have to enjoy all your feelings, and you don’t have to act on them.
- Investigate with care. Dig deeper with curiosity. Ask yourself why you’re feeling this way, how it started, and how you can manage it. These questions shouldn’t be self-judgemental. Instead, you’re collecting data about your emotions to understand yourself better.
- Non-identification. When you experience intense feelings, you might feel like you are those feelings. Try to detach your identity from your emotions and let yourself experience them without allowing them to control you.
This mindfulness technique helps you understand your emotions better without letting them define you as a person.
Bonus Method 2: Practice the F.O.U.L Method
This technique can help you manage your feelings when dealing with difficult situations or people. It works as follows:
- Fact-Check. Step back and try to differentiate between facts and assumptions. Sometimes, facts may fuel your emotions, like in times of danger when you need to react quickly. At others, assumptions might be pushing you to act rashly.
- Opposite Urge. If your emotions are based on assumptions, carrying out the opposite action may be helpful. If you feel like someone is criticizing you, instead of responding with a snarky comment, ask them to explain instead.
- Leave. When your anger, frustration, or annoyance gets too high, remove yourself from the situation. Just walk away and allow yourself to calm down.
This practical method can make taking the best course of action easier when your judgment seems clouded by emotions.
Support for ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation
You don’t have to struggle with ADHD or emotional dysregulation alone. Various ADHD therapies can help.
One example is dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). This therapy teaches you how emotions work and helps you learn skills to manage your feelings instead of being controlled by them.
You can also seek help from others who know what you’re going through. ADDA+ is a resource hub that gives you access to a community of supportive ADHDers who have experienced a similar journey to yours.
References
[1] Astenvald, R., Frick, M. A., Neufeld, J., Bölte, S., & Isaksson, J. (2022). Emotion dysregulation in ADHD and other neurodevelopmental conditions: a co-twin control study. Child and adolescent psychiatry and mental health, 16(1), 92. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034-022-00528-0
[2] Soler-Gutiérrez, A. M., Pérez-González, J. C., & Mayas, J. (2023). Evidence of emotion dysregulation as a core symptom of adult ADHD: A systematic review. PloS one, 18(1), e0280131. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0280131
[3] Hirsch, O., Chavanon, M. L., & Christiansen, H. (2019). Emotional dysregulation subgroups in patients with adult Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): a cluster analytic approach. Scientific reports, 9(1), 5639. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-019-42018-y
[4] AbuHasan Q, Reddy V, Siddiqui W. Neuroanatomy, Amygdala. [Updated 2023 Jul 17]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2023 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK537102/
[5] Tajima-Pozo, K., Yus, M., Ruiz-Manrique, G., Lewczuk, A., Arrazola, J., & Montañes-Rada, F. (2018). Amygdala Abnormalities in Adults With ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders, 22(7), 671–678. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054716629213
[6] Suzuki, Y., & Tanaka, S. C. (2021). Functions of the ventromedial prefrontal cortex in emotion regulation under stress. Scientific reports, 11(1), 18225. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-97751-0
[7] Leisman, G., & Melillo, R. (2022). Front and center: Maturational dysregulation of frontal lobe functional neuroanatomic connections in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Frontiers in neuroanatomy, 16, 936025. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnana.2022.936025
[8] Gao, W., Yan, X., & Yuan, J. (2022). Neural correlations between cognitive deficits and emotion regulation strategies: understanding emotion dysregulation in depression from the perspective of cognitive control and cognitive biases. Psychoradiology, 2(3), 85–98. https://doi.org/10.1093/psyrad/kkac014
[9] Weiss, N. H., Schick, M. R., Raudales, A. M., Forkus, S. R., Thomas, E. D., Contractor, A. A., & Sullivan, T. P. (2023). Experimental Investigation of the Influence of Positive Emotion Dysregulation on Risky Behavior Following Idiographic Emotion Inductions. Clinical Psychological Science: a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, 11(3), 490–508. https://doi.org/10.1177/21677026221133295
[10] Baltruschat, S., Mas-Cuesta, L., Cándido, A., Maldonado, A., Verdejo-Lucas, C., Catena-Verdejo, E., & Catena, A. (2021). Repeat Traffic Offenders Improve Their Performance in Risky Driving Situations and Have Fewer Accidents Following a Mindfulness-Based Intervention. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 567278. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.567278
