On Friday, Democratic Gov. JB Pritzker of Illinois posted a video with the title: “A Special Announcement from Governor JB Pritzker.” In the video, Pritzker mocked some of President Donald Trump’s more comically egregious proclamations in the few weeks since being confirmed as the 47th president.
Pritzker first announced his intention to rename Lake Michigan as “Lake Illinois”—a shot at Trump’s megalomaniacal decision to rename the Gulf of Mexico as the “Gulf of America.”
Lake Michigan’s shorelines abut Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, and Wisconsin, but according to Pritzker, Illinois is a “great state,” and therefore, the lake should be renamed.
“The proclamation has been forwarded to Google to ensure the world’s maps reflect this momentous change,” Pritzker explained, referring to the search giant’s pathetic attempt to stroke Trump’s ego by changing its maps to reflect his ludicrous executive order about the Gulf of Mexico.
Next, Pritzker announced that he was annexing the Green Bay area of Wisconsin in order “to protect itself against enemies foreign and domestic,” targeting Trump’s obsessions with taking over Greenland.
“I’ve also instructed my team to work diligently to prepare for an important announcement next week regarding the Mississippi River,” Pritzker continues. “God bless America, and bear down.”
What that Mississippi River announcement might be, it is hard to say. Maybe another renaming. Maybe he’s planning an invasion—you know, like how Trump’s secretary of defense said invading Mexico is “on the table.”
