March 2024 | Mile Nerd

Aloha Spirit

Many years have passed since this was a miles and points blog.

The impacts on my life?

Profound.

Man, it was such a unique situation. MileNerd fell into a niche that didn’t exist at the time. The readers followed. So, along the way, I encountered almost every type of person…

-One dude decided to capitalize on the growing hobby. He built a business. Started telling people about our close friendship. Was he a nice guy? A douchebag? Hard for me to say. Y’know, considering I never met him. We didn’t speak on the phone. Never any emails. A grand total of zero seconds of interaction. But that didn’t prevent him from talking about our friendship. Pretty new experience for me. People kept referring to a “friend” I didn’t know. Definitely unusual. But then again…

-A couple years later, I started hearing feedback about my plans to speak at a miles-and-points conference. Just one catch. The pesky little detail known as facts. Of course, I had no plans to climb onstage and talk credit cards while charging for admission. But another stranger felt comfortable saying otherwise. This kind of thing was growing less and less surprising. Nerdy hobbies tend to be full of quirky types. Some of whom are socially awkward. To put it mildly. For example…

-The guy who mimicked every aspect of my blog’s layout, copied a long list of my writing patterns, and described himself as “like milenerd.com” in his bio. Definitely weird. But I wanted to be supportive. He mentioned the “awe” he had for me in spite of not usually being “star struck.” Hmm. I think I’ve seen this movie and it didn’t turn out well for Bridget Fonda. Anyway, it turned out the guy was about things that are the exact opposite of what MileNerd was built on. I tried explaining this. Pointing out that it’s not a tribute. That he was leveraging me, my years of work, and the sacrifices I’d made…to try to build his own reputation. That he was taking from me. I explained how this is not being a “nice guy” or being “helpful” as he told himself. This is, in fact, the definition of using someone. And, whether he was doing it consciously or not, I was not ok with it. But, again, that hobby is full of different types. He played completely dumb, of course. As if he had no idea what I was talking about.

It’s as I described above. Experiencing many different types of people since I started doing this. But that goes the other way too. There have been countless thank you messages and kind words. And it goes so far beyond that…

-Like the woman who still checks in almost every month. She’s a professional writer who has off-the-charts intelligence. Was once an undefeated trial lawyer. And she’s the type of person who really likes to connect. Not just run-of-the-mill warmth. Think of how most of the cool people you’ve known aren’t content keeping things surface level. It’s almost too basic for them. Those are the ones who enter our lives and really make a splash. These kinds of people leave a room and have us wondering what the rest of their day will be like. It’s a gift to know people who stand out. They’re a dash of color in a black-and-white world. I feel so lucky to have some friends like that. And it’s amazing that a few of them came directly through this website. For example…

-The Emmy Award-winning musician who was once a complete stranger. And now essentially a brother to me. Sure, he’s my complete opposite in some ways. I can’t get to the end of the week without feeling anger, sadness, joy, and a dozen different emotions. Not him. He’d probably sit down in the middle of a tornado and might even take a nap. I believe his resting heart rate is 11. And I can’t imagine life without him. The older we get, it becomes more clear how meaningful real friendship is. And also how rare…

-Like the beautiful soul who asks (ok, practically begs) for me to come stay at her luxury beach condo. At no charge, of course. This rental property provides a big chunk of her income. But she’d rather have me in town for a week than collect that money. It’s a gesture that has actually helped relationships in my family. Allowing my sisters and I to meet and bond in ways that might not have happened otherwise.

There are other stories to tell. But only so much space here. The point is, there are people I can count on. Some were true allies through my biggest health issues and greatest physical pain. Once just a collection of randos but now so much more. These are people I love and trust. And I never would have known them without MileNerd.

(As I said, the interactions have gone in many different directions)

Plenty of you have been here for a long time. Many since the early years. Like you, I’ve received huge benefits from the world of travel. Such a long list of memories and adventures. Maybe there’s a destination at the top of your list. A place that hurts to leave. Somewhere you long to return. For me, it’s Maui. I’ve been lucky to go there almost every year for the last decade. It feels almost like a home away from home at this point. In fact, I’m typing these words as I fly back from my most recent trip to the island. And I’d like to open up about some of my experiences there…

“Aloha” is a word that gets watered down outside of Hawaii. I think we have a habit of doing this. Walk into a “Cajun casino” in Las Vegas and it’ll bear very little resemblance to New Orleans. A Disney safari park might be fun. But it’s nothing like what you feel in Africa. A word without meaning is just a word. Certain things have to be experienced to be understood…

On my first trip to Maui, I met a man named Mario. We had some fun banter. He pointed out a few good restaurants and seemed like a cool guy. Then I ran into him again – and started getting a much better understanding of what “Aloha spirit” is. We traded numbers and the usual deal. Texted a few times. And, as I left the island, he said I could use his house when he’s on the mainland. Huh? He explained that I didn’t need to spend money on a hotel. He said his place wasn’t very fancy but, hey, at least I’d still get to be on the island. Just fill his car with gas or buy him a steak. Wait, what? Dude, we just met. Now, at home, this might sound like lunatic behavior. Someone potentially dangerous. But he truly was just a warm and welcoming person. Someone I got to know better over the years. And not the last Hawaiian to open up his home to me.

On another trip to Maui, I met a lady named Nani. That was the nickname everyone used for her. She worked overnight at the front desk of the hotel. Her ancestors were caretakers for Kamehameha, the king of Hawaii. Those caretakers started getting land as gifts for their work. Lots of land. Her family has been passing down hundreds of acres of Hawaiian property for generations. And I can’t think of too many friendlier people I’ve ever met. If she’s working, we’ll spend close to an hour talking every morning as her shift ends. When I land on the island, she’ll write something like:

“Welcome home, brahadah!!”

I have multiple text threads from multiple Maui residents in my phone. In order to list all the examples of Aloha spirit I’ve seen, I’d need to write for days. Now, are there are problems everywhere? Yeah, of course. And, in 2024, our brains are programmed to find the flaws. We do it with laser precision. Seeking out examples of imperfection so we can think, “See, it’s not so great.”  

But perfection is not reality. And Maui is a very special place. Full of personality, quirkiness, and real-life magic. If you open yourself up to it. So much of that is rooted in the kind-hearted people there.

In their Aloha spirit.

I hadn’t visited since the fires. So, two weeks ago, as I looked at Lahaina…it felt like someone punched me in the gut. All the adorable little streets. All of those homes burned to the ground. I genuinely feel like I owe that place a debt of gratitude. So, I formulated a plan…

I’d find someone to help. One individual within the long list of victims who are still in deep trouble. Maybe someone with a GoFundMe page that isn’t getting many eyeballs. I have this monthly way to reach caring people. Maybe we could add a bit of light to a very dark time in someone’s life. Now, to be clear, I don’t consider this a big deal at all. It’s just about sharing a story with caring people. I could never repay Maui for all it has given me. And maybe you have the same kind of feeling for your favorite destination. A place that can’t help but contribute great highlights in your life.

So, I tried to find a person…

Spending days to make this happen. Reaching out to every contact on the island. Talking to strangers. Initiating conversations.

There was the guy wanting to help his brother who’d lost everything in the fires. The home he was renting, his car, and the love of his life. She died from smoke inhalation. Losing it all was one thing. But he’s also consumed with guilt. Can’t stop thinking about what he could have done to save her. He thinks of suicide but he’s not giving in. Lost his job serving food to tourists because he didn’t have a car to get there. Staying on a friend’s couch while he tries to get back on his feet.

I spoke to a couple currently living in a tent on the beach. She’s 8 months pregnant with their first child. The fires took everything. They’re both fighting to keep the faith that life will somehow get back on track.

I talked with a woman whose young sister had recently moved to Hawaii. In that moment, all of her dreams went up in smoke. She’d put everything into her fledgling photography business. They didn’t come from money and this was a big swing at a better life. But her camera, photo equipment, car, and home are now all gone.

Siblings wanting to help their brothers and sisters.

Couples trying to find hope.

These were not easy conversations. So many lives were devastated that day.

I explained what the project would be. An interview to shine a light on their story. And I clarified that I didn’t want anything from them. How there isn’t any money in this for me – no ads, affiliate links, or any of that stuff. They all loved the idea. Just some small way to help an individual in huge need. I explained that it probably wouldn’t be enough to fix things but would most likely make a nice difference.

Then I discovered a whole new level of Aloha spirit…

Every single fire victim I spoke to said I should find a person more in need.

Someone who could use more help.  

The young girl who lost it all. The guy who thinks of suicide. Even the couple living in a tent.

All of them said some version of the same thing…

That others need the help more than they do.

I mean, I literally could not find someone who would accept this gesture for themselves.

So what I’d like to say is this…

If funds are tight, maybe you could throw in a little lunch money. And, if you have more to give, maybe you’ll be willing to give a larger sum. But, regardless of your situation, please just take a look at this link. The sorted option is a ton of GoFundMe pages in ascending order. Many of these Lahaina fire victims are still in deep trouble. All I’m asking is that you spend a few minutes reading through some of the descriptions. Then, if someone’s page calls out to you, maybe you can consider a donation. Totally up to you. But please give a few minutes of your time to read through some of these situations. Look, many of us go to incredible destinations. And that’s a good thing. We deserve to celebrate our lives. But there are people there who help serve us and clean after us. As we all know, they are often a big part of why the vacations become so special. Many of these people are in need of a hand. Please just give a few minutes of your time to look through the link.

Look, I apologize if this post isn’t as well-written as my usual work. But I didn’t have much time to prepare. I really expected to be posting an interview. To share someone’s story. But, again, every single Hawaiian I spoke to said another person could use the help more.

I’ve just never seen anything like it.